On Love and Power: The Struggle with Power Dynamics

Author

Mark Hicks
March 14, 2025

I want to say something that may seem controversial at first, but here goes…

You can have love, or you can have power — but you can’t have both.

If your family, workplace, or community is full of people constantly butting heads in a battle of wills—caught up in the endless push and pull of power dynamics—there’s a good chance these are not places filled with love.

Power Undermines Love

When power is the dominant force in a family, love tends to take a backseat. Power-driven relationships are often based on control—whether through authority, manipulation, or coercion. This can create dynamics where:

  • Parents dominate children rather than guide them with love.

  • Spouses control each other rather than foster mutual respect.

  • Siblings engage in competition rather than support one another.

In these scenarios, love becomes conditional, given or withheld based on compliance, obedience, or submission to authority. Over time, this erodes trust and emotional closeness.

Love as the Absence of Power Struggles

True love flourishes in an environment where power struggles are minimal. It thrives in relationships that prioritize:

  • Emotional safety over control.

  • Collaboration over domination.

  • Empathy over authority.

This doesn’t mean that structure, leadership, or parental guidance shouldn’t exist—it means that when power is used as a tool for dominance rather than support, it starts replacing love with fear.

Can Power and Love Coexist?

Perhaps the key distinction is in the type of power being exercised. There’s a difference between power over someone (which is about control) and empowerment (which is about lifting others up).

If power is used to dominate, love diminishes. If love is prioritized, power shifts into something more balanced—becoming a force of strength for support rather than control.

Pre-orders for my book Learning Love are now available. Visit www.markahicks.com for all the details

"Love is the plan for every struggle. It is the strength for every hardship.” - Dr. Mark A. Hicks, Learning Love, p.129

For more on the dynamics of love and power Click Here

For insight on life, love, and relationships check out The Learning Love Podcast and my YouTube channel.

Love well, everyone.

Mark